Pezzy oneshots
by irnbru32
Summary: Just random oneshots about Pezberry and co. Feel free to send me prompts if you want something written. Chpt 1 - Santana trys to explain sex to her son.
1. The type of sex does matter

**I still feel bad about almost quitting writing so as thank you for being awesome and giving me lovely reviews on A love burning I have come up with an idea. This is going to be a one shot series that is going to help me keep my creative juices going and it'll be something for all my lovely readers to read in between updates of my other stories, since the chapters are taking slightly longer to write.**

**Each chapter will be a random one or two shot ( I will let you know if they follow on from another chapter) being about 1000 words or so. **

**Prompts are welcome and encouraged so drop me a message if you want me write something and I'll do my best to fulfil your every desire **

**So yeah enjoy**

**Disclaimer:- I don't own anything **

Santana hummed along to the softly playing radio as she moved around her kitchen. She had just gotten back from doing the school run since Rachel had got called into an emergency rehearsal.

"Brandon? Mijo what would you like for dinner?" Santana called in to the living room, knowing that her son would be there watching whatever cartoon was on TV.

When she all she got was silence, a stab of motherly concern shot through her, so she called on him again this time louder and again was met with silence which was unusual since he was Rachel's son so he was naturally loud and he had Lopez blood in him so he never, ever turned down food.

Another shot of panic shot through her but she tried to think logically. Maybe her baby wasn't in the room as she thought or maybe he was playing and hadn't heard her shout? Or...maybe he couldn't call back because he was choking on something like a pen lid? Or maybe he had fallen out the window of their penthouse apartment or maybe someone had him stolen like all those kids on Law and Order.

With that last thought in mind Santana rushed in to the living room, fully expecting the window to be wide open and any evidence of little Brandon to be gone like the wind blowing through her penthouse window. But what she was actually met with was Brandon crouched over a piece of paper listening to his mama's Ipod.

She stomped her foot on the ground to get his attention and motioned for him to follow her in to the kitchen, all the while effectively hiding the kitchen knife, she was going to use on those children snatchers, behind her back.

"So mijo what do you want for dinner?" Santana asked as she opened the fridge door to look for some edible, non vegan food.

"Mami what's sex?" Brandon's question made Santana freeze and she was glad that she was half in the fridge so that Brandon could see the shocked and panicked look that was on her face.

"Why do you want to know that sweetie" Santana asked as she cleared her throat trying to think of the best way to dodge the question. In her original 'having kids with Rachel' plan Rachel did all the important life talks and she did all the threatening and protecting. Never did she ever consider that roles might be swapped.

"Mami are you stuck? you've been in the fridge along time"

Santana closed her eyes and sighed before turning to face her 7 year old son "Why do you want to know what sex is?"

"I need to know for school" Brandon said.

Santana took a minute to think about when she learned about sex in school, she was sure that it was near her teenage years. She did remember the awkward talk with both her mother and father afterwards. They both had been very vague and clinical about it. All the stuff that she had learned about sex had mostly came from watching porn with Puck. That boy was disgusting and a pervert but Santana had to hand it to him he had good taste in porn. She probably should've realised that she was a lesbian sooner when she stopped protesting when Puck broke out the girl on girl stuff, in fact she had started to encourage him to watch it more.

Santana quickly got back to the situation at hand and thought about her options; would be bad if she let her son watch porn as a valid education tool?

She took all of five seconds to consider it before scraping the idea; one it was bad parenting and two if Rachel found out, then porn would the closest thing she would get to ever having sex again.

"Mami?" Brandon's voice brought her back to the present "Can you please tell me what it is?"

"Um sure sweetie...Come have a seat at the table" Santana said pulling Brandon towards the table and sitting him up on one of the chairs before moving over to the sink to get them both glasses of water. Santana resisted the urge to throw in a splash of vodka to help ease the tension.

Making her way over she caught Brandon's smiling face and managed a grimace back.

"Ok so what do you want to know?" Santana asked passing him the water.

"Everything" Brandon said grinning up at his Mami sweetly.

If Santana didn't know her sons innocence then she would've thought that he was doing this on purpose.

"Right ...so emm...sex...happens between two people that love each other very much" Santana started and took a quick gulp of water to try and clam herself.

"So do you and mama have sex? Because you love each other?" Brandon asked swinging his short legs in the air and taking a sip of water.

Santana choked on the water that she was in the process of swallowing. She thumped her chest a few time to try force the water down. When she had composed herself again, she looked up at Brandon's wide innocent eyes.

"Uh...yeah, me and your mama...we have the ...sex" Santana stuttered and flushed. "So anyway when people love each they have sex...and that's how they show them that they like them in a special way "

"So should I have sex with Amy in my class cause she's my friend and I like her" Brandon asked.

"WHAT! NO...No you can't have sex with Amy" Santana squeaked

"Why not?"

"Because...Because there's...an age limit you have to be...18...no, 21 before you are allowed to ever have sex"

"Why"

Santana sighed and looked longingly at the locked cupboard where they kept their alcohol this was going to be along night.

Santana spent the bulk of the next hour or so explaining everything and answering her son's questions and by the time they were finished she was mentally drained. "So do you understand now?" she asked as her son nodded and she sighed with relief that this torture was finally over.

"Yeah I think so but I don't know how I'm going to fit that on to my form" Brandon sighed.

"What form?" Santana asked

Brandon wiggled off the chair and ran in to the living room and appeared with the piece of paper that she had seen him hunched over before.

"This one, I need to get it filled out so I can join the drama club" Brandon said as he handed the paper to his mother.

Santana felt her eye twitch as she looked down at the sheet where name, age and sex printed near the top of the paper.

"Brandon I'll give to $20 to go to your room and play until your Mama comes back ok?" Santana said as resisted the urge to scream.

"Am I in trouble Mami?" Brandon asked as he looked at his mother and noticed the paper shaking in her hands.

"No sweetie you're not but Mami just need some...time to fill out this form. Go and ill order us some pizza ok? " Santana forced a smile down at her son who shrugged and ran off to his room more than happy with the thought of money and food.

When her son's door had closed Santana quickly moved off the table and to the drawer where they hid the keys to the cupboard containing the alcohol.

* * *

When Rachel returned home from rehearsals she found her wife in the living room stretched out on the couch watching TV.

"Where's Brandon?" Rachel asked as she bent over the couch to greet her wife with a kiss. "Hi by the way"

"Mmm hi...he's in his room doing his homework" Santana said as she tugged Rachel over the couch and on top of her.

"Santana!" Rachel giggled as Santana nuzzled herself in to her neck.

"God I missed you so much today" Santana's muffled voice said against her neck

"Yeah I missed you to, so did you's two get up to today?" Rachel asked as she ran a hand through Santana's hair noticing how tense her wife's shoulders were. "Why do I smell alcohol on your breath?"

"umm...ok so don't get mad but..."

"Are you two having sex" a little voice cut off Santana before she could explain to Rachel what exactly she had done and why she had needed to break out the vodka at 4 in the afternoon.

"WHAT! NO...no we are not, how do you know what that even is?" Rachel asked wide eyed at her son who stood in the door way and quickly got off her wife.

"Mami told me...can I have some milk please?"

Rachel head wiped around to her wife who lay frozen on the couch in fear.

"Don't move, we are going to have a talk about what's appropriate to tell our 7 year old son" she growled at Santana "And I would get comfy on the couch if I were you 'cause that's where you're going be sleeping for a while"

Rachel left a pouting Santana and rounded the couch and held out her hand for her son "Come on ill get you some and you can tell me everything Mami told you about sex"

"Ok" Brandon said happily skipping after his mother.

Santana groaned and fell back against the couch. She knew this would happen, that she would get the blame, when in reality it was the stupid schools fault for having a stupid confusing letter. She started thinking about all the nasty things she could say to the drama teacher the next time she saw him. She also made a mental note to call Puck later to see if he still had any of his old porn collection since she probably wouldn't be getting any for a while.

"SANTANA ! WHY DOES OUR SON KNOW WHAT A STRAP ON IS!" Rachel's voice echoed around the apartment making Santana wince.

Scratch that she was calling Puck first since she definitely wasn't going to be getting some.


	2. We meet again after so long

**So I did a thing but I'm not really sure what it is just me rambling I guess. This is the first of two chapters so I hope you enjoy it, it's just random fluff.**

**Rachel runs in to Quinn, having not seen her since high school and they catch up.**

**If anyone has prompts or ideas please send them to me and I'll do my best.**

**Please enjoy **

**Disclaimer :- I don't own anything**

Rachel smiled as she picked up the frozen vegan treat and put the ice cream in the basket with the other groceries. Straightening up she moved to exit the isle before doubling back and grabbing a tub of the double chocolate fudge, knowing that she would never hear the end of it from her other half if they ran out.

She made her way leisurely through each of the isles grabbing what she needed and stocking up on some treats she knew here girlfriend would want when she got home . She sighed as she turned in the fruit and veg isle, four weeks, four weeks since she had last seen her girlfriend. She sometimes cursed the careers they had chosen, both having to work long hours or travel across the country to attend meetings or play in new roles but despite the distance they made it work. They always made time for each other and as the saying went distance makes the heart grow fonder. Rachel quickly hid away the smirk that appeared on her face as she inspected the oranges in front of her as she thought about what she had planned for her girlfriends return from her trip away. Despite not seeing each other for four weeks, they had spoken almost every day and tried to Skype when they could but it wasn't really the same thing as actually being with each other and she knew that Santana was missing her just as much as she was missing her. Which was why she was planning a sexy little surprise for when Santana got home this evening.

She was so lost in her thoughts about planning the surprise that as she turned to move down the isle she turned right in to a woman, nearly sending her in to the row of apples she was next to.

"Omg! I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going" Rachel rushed as she grabbed the blonde woman to help keep her upright. "Are you alright…I'm so sorry…I didn't see you behind me…"

The blonde woman chuckled " It's fine, really. I was on my way over to say hi anyway"

Rachel let go of the woman and took a step back from her with a confused look. For a brief second she wondered if the woman could be a stalker and a rush of excitement and panic ran through her at the thought. She had always wanted a stalker, that meant she was getting somewhere in the celebrity world but at the same time she wanted Santana there so if anything kicked off with the woman stalker then Santana could go all lima heights and rip the woman to shreds with her razor sharp tongue and insults. But there was something familiar about the warm hazel eyes that were staring back at her amused.

"You don't remember me do you" the blonde smiled and quirked a well-manicured eyebrow.

Rachel regarded the blonde for a few seconds and finally the penny dropped "Quinn? Quinn Fabray?"

Quinn nodded and laughed as the smaller girl launched herself at her almost throwing her back in to the apples again.

Righting herself again Rachel let go of Quinn and stepped back giving a small squeal of delight. "OMG is so good to see you…how have you been? I can't believe it's been so long since we saw each other...what are you doing here?...do you live in new York cause if you do then how come…" Rachel started her rambled one way conversation and Quinn quickly saw the opportunity to butt in when she Rachel stop to draw breath.

"Rach, calm down" Quinn giggled at her friends ever present enthusiasm "No I don't live in New York I moved back to lima a few years ago"

"You moved back to lima!" Rachel exclaimed shocked because back when Rachel had last seen her, Quinn was the first person packed and ready to get out of that town the minute graduation had finished.

"Yeah my mum had a health scare and yeah I just wanted to move back plus I got a job straight away at McKinley teaching English so it all worked out and that's where I met my fiancé" Quinn smiled as she let that little nugget of information in sink in.

"You're getting MARRIED!" Rachel squealed clapping her hand. "Oh my god Quinn that's amazing news, I'm so happy for you"

"Thanks that's why I'm here in New York me and my mum are picking up some wedding stuff" Quinn said still smiling at Rachel's giddiness.

"How long are you here for?" Rachel asked.

"We fly out late tomorrow night"

"Well if you're not doing anything before you leave, do you want to maybe catch up over dinner or coffee or something?" Rachel asked.

"Well I'm meeting a dress designer tomorrow but I can do tonight if that's ok with you" Quinn smiled "I'm sure my mum won't mind if I leave her for one night"

The two women made arrangements for their meal that night before heading off to get ready.

* * *

When Rachel got home and she had put away the groceries, she noticed that she had a message on her answer phone.

"Hi baby, it's me…I'm sorry but I won't make it home tonight my flights got cancelled but they're getting a new plane prepped and ready to flight out first thing tomorrow morning so I'll give you a call when I land, can't wait to see you Rach….love you bye" Santana's voice rang out in to the room making Rachel wince at the forgotten surprise she had planned.

The excitement of seeing Quinn again a driven all thought of her girlfriend's sexy homecoming present out of her mind but at least now she could meet with Quinn and catch up and still surprise Santana when she came home.

After getting herself showered and ready Rachel headed off to pick up Quinn from the hotel she was staying at with her mother. After greeting a slightly emotional Ms Fabray they left for dinner. Rachel had pick one of her favourite restaurants that was only a few blocks away from both her apartment and Quinn's hotel.

Once seated the women quickly got down to catching up with each other's lives only stopping when they had to order and when her food and drink came.

"So do you still keep in touch with anyone from glee?" Rachel asked as she took a sip of wine from her glass.

"I only really speak to Britt, we try to call each other once a month or so to keep each other updated with what's going on in each other's lives and I think she still speaks to Mike, Sugar and Sam and I still see Finn every now and then when he drops in to see Mr Shue or should I say Principle Shue."

"Well that's nice that you still speak to Brittany…" Rachel trailed off wondering if Brittany ever contacted Santana like she did with Quinn, since it was never really brought up in her relationship with Santana. All Rachel knew was that after leaving Lima Santana had tried to keep her relationship with Brittany going but the distance had made it difficult with Brittany repeating senior year at McKinley so they both had agreed to end it but still remain friends .

"Yeah she sends me postcards when she's on tour with her dance group since she hasn't quite worked out that different places have different time zones and there's only so many times that I can be woken at 3 in the morning with an excited Brittany on the end of the phone."

"Well Brittany hasn't changed much then…the only person that I speak to is Kurt but I don't think I've had a face to face conversation with him in like over a year" Rachel said as she tried to remember the last time she seen Kurt.

"I don't think any of us realised how hard it would be to keep in touch, especially when life gets in the way of things. That's why I was hoping at my wedding we could maybe try make it a glee club reunion as well." Quinn said "I spoke to Mr Shue and he has kept tabs on everyone career and he's been helping me contact everyone, you were next on his list to call"

"Lucky we ran in to each other then" Rachel smiled.

Quinn laughed "Yeah, the only person that we can't find is Santana…She completely dropped off the radar after dropping out of Louisville. It's a shame really I was kinda hopping to have an unholy trinity reunion as well"

Rachel's eyes widened at the mention of her girlfriend and was thankful for her years of drama and acting classes that she was able to keep herself from choking on her wine and make herself look nonchalant.

"So you have no idea what Santana's doing or where she is or anything" Rachel asked just to be sure, she was nearly 100% sure that nobody from their old group of friends knew about their relationship.

"Nope…she just dropped off the grid and even Brittany doesn't know where she is which surprising because you know how close they were at school but it has been over 10 years since we were at school with each other so I think I'm more surprised that Mr Shue was able to keep in contact with everyone"

"But we'll see what happens at the wedding hopefully everyone will manage to make it" Quinn said with a shrug "So everyone's to take a plus one with them, you taking anyone?"

"Is this your way of asking if I'm seeing anyone?" Rachel laughed and Quinn gave a guilty smile and shrug. "To answer your question yes…I'll be taking my partner. They're away at a medical conference at the moment but they should be able to make it."

Quinn raised her eyebrows "You're dating a doctor? Wow that's a massive step up from Finn Hudson"

Rachel giggled and agreed but quickly steered Quinn away from asking more questions "So is Mr Shue still seeing Miss Pilsbury?"

The rest of the dinner was spent reminiscing of their old high school days and wondering what each member of the glee club was doing with their lives. Every time the subject go anywhere near Rachel's love live, the brunette was quick to change the subject.

After finishing their second bottle of wine the girls decided to take the catch up back to Rachel's place.

"You'll have to excuse the mess, we only moved in a few months ago and we've got boxes all over the place." Rachel said as she fumbled with the lock.

Finally she got the door open and escorted Quinn in "The place is still a little bare at the moment we've still to put up our personal effect but it's slowly getting there." Rachel said as she headed in to the kitchen "Why do you head in to the living room and I'll get us drinks"

She watched Quinn smile and nod, turning to head in the living room before turning her focus on the uncorked bottle of wine in her hands.

Just as she was about to open the bottle Quinn let out a scream which was followed by a more familiar scream.

"What the FUCK are you doing in my house Fabray!" Santana growled at the blonde as Rachel skidded in to the room, eyes widening at the scene before her.

Santana stood in all her naked glory in the middle of their candle lit living room with her hands on her hips glaring at Quinn who had the decency to cover her eyes.

"Santana? What's going on?...I thought your flights got cancelled" Rachel said as she stood and stared at her girlfriend.

"Well I lied…I wanted to surprise you 'cause I missed you but you weren't here, so I thought I set up something sexy for when you got home, thinking that I would get some sweet lady kisses but instead who walks in…Fabray" Santana finished angrily gesturing towards Quinn.

"Wait, wait, wait….you live here? With Rachel? You guys are together?" Quinn uncovered her eyes and looked at Rachel who nodded but was still looking at Santana. "Wait you're a doctor…Can you please put some clothes on" she said as she turned back to Santana only to get and eye full Santana's more popular assets.

"No" Santana snarled "This is my house I can do what I want…and yes I am a doctor and a fuck good one at that" she said as she drew herself to her full height.

Rachel seen the set of Santana's shoulders and knew that they weren't going to get anywhere if she didn't step in soon.

"Santana go put some clothes on and we can talk about this over a glass of wine like adults" Rachel said as she handed Quinn her wine, who took it and nearly downed it in a gulp. "We haven't seen each other in a month and you haven't seen Quinn in over 10 years and she's only here for the night I think it would be nice if we all got to catch up."

Santana pouted "But baby I wanted sweet lady kisses"

"Later, go put clothes on your scaring Quinn" Rachel said

Santana opened her mouth to protest but Rachel narrowed her gaze.

"Now Santana" she said with no room for argument.

Santana closed her mouth with a huff and strutted out of the room and slamming the bedroom door closed behind her.

When Rachel turned to apologise to Quinn for her girlfriend's rude behaviour, Quinn was staring at her with an incredulous look on her face.

"What the fuck did you to Santana" she said shocked

"What do you mean" Rachel asked

"I don't think I've ever seen Santana pout and…and she did what you told her to. Ten years ago she probably would've punched you for that"

Rachel giggled "Well back than I didn't have her whipped"

"How things change" Quinn laughed

"Berry…I'm not whipped, say that again and I'll go Lima heights" Santana said as she emerged from the bedroom.

"And something really don't" Rachel giggled.


End file.
